your. fault.

ok. i'm fuming, so i apologize to all males ahead of time. what is your deal. so i got this swim suit right? my parents have had this rule forever that i'm not aloud to wear a bikini becuase i need to be modest, help guys out, remain a respected member of society, ect, ect, ect. ok. fine. i can deal, i find an occasional cute swim suit that covers and yay. so this year, mom lets me go out on a limb and i bought a swim suit that was not a bikini but was not a tankini. mom and dad disapprove, its cute, adorable actually. and what i would consider completly modest for obvious reasons. but no, not modest enough for guys. "they won't control themselves hannah, you can't wear that!" OK GUYS GET A GRIP. why? why why why God? why can't guys just control themselves so that girls won't have to suffer from wearing unflattering, uncute bathing suits, or any clothes for that matter. yes, this is selfish, i'm just frustrated becuase what i would consider perfectly fine isn't. i just wish that guys would just stop, but they can't, and i have to except that. and i have to return my swimsuit. yes, males, it's your fault.
i will probably delete this later. so if you get to read it, you're lucky. comment, i want to know opinions.

sorry boys.

Gray

Some days happiness is a novel idea,
A fading margin just beyond grasp.
Sunrise with day anew,
Yet I live it like the last.
A tiny flame longing,
For a fire to flare,
Yet this flickering hope,
blows out in despair.
Stark Gray.
Not Black.
Not White.
Gray, morbid, dull, trite.
Luke Warm.
Not hot.
Not cold.
Luke warm, simple, unchanging, old.
A seed without light,
Unable to grow.
Sand grain in a desert,
doomed only to blow.
Blow.
Blow wherever wind may please.
Blow in a dry shell of subjection.
Blow across cracked earth in a breeze.
Blow.
There's no hope of obtaining direction .
Some days happiness is a novel idea,
A fading margin just beyond grasp.
Drowning, reaching heavenward still.
Below the surface, snuffed out with a gasp.

Written
5 january 2007

resolution

so it's 2007. i suppose i'm supposed to have some increadible goals for this next year, but quite frankly i often forget to even attempt my listed goals. i usually end up completing at least a few, so we'll see...
1. Become consistant with my devotionals and prayer life
2. make a new friend
3. gain wisdom through my parents instruction (listen to my parents : /
4. paint a mural
5. spend time investing in jacob and ella's lives
6. go cow tipping
7. surf
8. take a secret road trip when i turn 16
9. grow closer to my girls
10. take a medical mission trip
so there ya have it. 2007. here i come.